A Walk in the Present
by Zombiecatfire13
Summary: After years under the opera, Christine takes Erik up to see the modern world. When they come across a morbidly obese couple, Erik's curiosity gets the better of him. In the future of the book, I suppose... Modern times. Don't think about it, just enjoy.


Despite what you would think, Erik was terrible at being discreet when he wasn't attempting to be. One would think that with all his stealth, he would be a natural at quiet observation… in fact, he was, when it suited him to be. At the moment, however, he was staring with the rude ignorance of a child at a rather "unhealthy" woman. Christine had convinced Erik to accompany her to the world above by telling him of the dangers of the modern world: giant cars with drunken drivers, terribly powerful guns that almost everyone carried, and rapists around every corner. She had, of course, exaggerated everything… but for the better! Erik hadn't been out of that dank opera house in god knows how long. Christine doubted if a normal person could survive that long without a hint of sunlight!

Things had gone more smoothly than she expected… until now! Something strange had caught Erik's eye, and he was DETERMINED to investigate it. A morbidly obese woman (terribly far gone!) was waddling down the sidewalk, stopping every few steps to catch her breath. Erik now stood stalk still, examining her with intense scientific curiosity. "My word!" he breathed, "imagine the density of that body. Fat clogs up veins, you know… her blood must fit through opening the size of strands of hair!"

"Erik, can we please move on?" Christine pleaded, but to no avail; and she certainly could not MAKE him go anywhere! "I wonder how much stress human joints can handle before they collapse…" Erik mused, making Christine fear what awful experiments he might conjure to satisfy this question.

And as if the situation wasn't bad enough, as the woman drew nearer, Christine became aware of a man walking with her. He was not quite so obese, but still abnormally so, drenched in sweat from any amount of walking he may have done. Christine hoped to god that he would not notice Erik staring at them, but no such luck… "Hey buddy, you find somethin' interesting?" the man said as he drew nearer. His voice was deep and raspy, and he was obviously out of breath.

'Please, Erik, let it go!' Christine prayed to any god who may happen to be listening. "Very much so," replied Erik with that oddly intense, curious stare of his.

'DAMMIT!'

Christine's hopes of avoiding conflict were dashed, and she could only hope that Erik's curiosity would overcome his bloodlust. The man turned redder, obviously used to malicious comments about his weight. "And WHAT is it that you find so AMUSING?"

"Amusing?" Erik echoed, sounding distracted, "that is quite different from interesting…"

"STUFF IT, YOU SKINNY JACKASS!" The man roared violently. Erik only blinked, "now, now, you mustn't raise your blood pressure… I assume that it is far too high to begin with."

The man was quite furious now; so he did what came naturally to him: attacked his attacker. "Yeah, I KNOW I'm big!" he fumed, "but YOU'RE no better! I bet you don't even HAVE any blood, you SKELETON ASSHOLE!"

"I assure you that I do," Erik said calmly, a cold glint in his eyes, "but I am beginning to grow quite curious about yours."

"Wuh-what?" The man sputtered, obviously disturbed. What was normally a harmless threat sounded unbearably ominous when spoken by Erik. "Would it come out slow and sluggish? Alternate bodies have alternate properties… I do wonder…" Erik trailed off, staring at the man like a cat with an unfamiliar small creature. The man, previously red as a branding iron, was drained of all the color in his face. He had obviously sensed that Erik was not attempting to be threatening, and was genuinely contemplating ripping him apart purely for science. "Yuh-you creepy bastard…" the man mumbled, and staggered away after the woman, obviously shaken to the core. As Erik stared after them, Christine was numb with relief for the fact that he had remained calm. Suddenly, Erik burst out laughing. This sound was incredibly unnerving, for Christine rarely heard it, and did not know the cause. "You never told me of such amusing variation!" he said in a highly amused way, "I must say, I expected this experience to be more dreadful than death! And now I wish to see more!"

Thank god he didn't know the meaning of "facepalm"…


End file.
